Sunday, January 9, 2011

I'm Big Now

I'm big now. This is the new catch phrase in our house. It means we don't have to ask permission from ourselves to do things anymore. We are free to do whatever we want. Free from the responsibility of being home in the evening when our kids come home, free from being around on the weekends to monitor what goes on in our own house. We are not required to have dinner on the table in time for play rehearsal or those few moments between the time our son would be home from his after school job and then out the door to his next event. Our afternoons and evenings and early mornings and weekends are not full to the brim with scheduling nightmares of activities for them, us, me, we, he, her , him and the ominous THEY. We are not ingrates who silently suffered martydom while raising our children. We cherished those years and often wonder if we keep rushing out to find things to do just so we don't have to face being at home without them.

Going to the movies on a weeknight; having a beverage (or two or three) on a Saturday afternoon; spending money frivolously on art, expensive desserts, and live music; buying "up" at the grocery store just because it looks like funner food; driving east or west or north or wherever for two weeks at a time; all of these things and more are not impossible when you have children at home. But they don't set very good examples of responsible behavior. Now, there is no one but you to hold you accountable for where you are and what you are doing.

I love being young and irresponsible again. I love revisiting that feeling you got when you first left home and your responsibilities where to only you and maybe a partner if you had one.You had little concern for where your future was going and none for anyone else's. That time in your life when you would catch yourself saying, "Yay! I can do that! I am big now!" 

How fortunate we are that we can be awed by that feeling again. Living life Big Now is a joy and seeing that my children are well grounded because we were "responsible" (how do you make typing look sarcastic?) is sugar on top. I hope you enjoyed your Big Now. If not, may it come again.